Tips and tricks for edging yourself or your partner from sex experts

What is edging?

According to gay cruising app Sniffies’ 2024 statistics, edging is the most popular kink in America, and with good reason!

Edging is the ultimate tease; it’s the practice of intentionally bringing yourself and/or your partner to the point right before you climax, but instead of finishing, you pause the stimulation until you’ve calmed down and then repeat the process before finally allowing an orgasm.

Not only does this extend playtime, but it intensifies pleasure and arousal, and often lead to a more intense, longer-lasting orgasm when you are finally allowed to climax.

You can edge yourself during masturbation or while having sex with other people to add a little spice to your sex life, but it can also be a great way to explore dom/sub dynamics. Both partners can edge each other, but you can also play with power dynamics where the dominant partner takes control over the submissive's orgasms and decides when they can climax. Edging can also help with premature ejaculation, and for gay men, it is also a great way for tops to manage performance so that no one finishes too early.

"For some, edging is a part of kinky play where power dynamics allow for orgasm denial or advanced teasing,” Birna Gustafsson, an LGBTQ+ sex educator and public health advocate, tells PRIDE. “Many people love edging because of the elements of control, heightened sensations, and subverting expectations of what sex should look or feel like.”

Where did the term come from?

Also known as “surfing” and “peaking,” the term edging comes from the idea of approaching a metaphorical “edge” of orgasmic inevitability but stopping from you tip over the edge.

Although the word itself is from Middle English, the internet and sex positive online communities helped to popularize the way people use the term today, and it has since entered the Gen Z lexicon on TikTok.

How do you know if you want to try it?

If you’ve ever finished and been like, “is that all?” then you’d probably like edging. For people who feel like the peak of their climax is too short or want to make their sexual experiences last longer, edging is a great technique to add into your playtime repertoire.

If you’re curious about edging, try exploring it during solo masturbation first before trying it out with a partner. “It’s also great if you’re in a sexual rut, exploring solo play in a new way, or curious about adding something fresh to partnered sex,” Gustafsson says. “It can take some people up to twenty minutes for their genitals to fully engorge and hit peak arousal, and edging offers a fun way to explore as you welcome pleasure in waves, not a flood of sensations all at once.”

According to Tim Lagman, a sex expert and board certified sex educator with the lube company pjur, those who already enjoy “intense build-ups or teasing sensations” or want to explore orgasms control and power dynamics, should give edging a try.

It’s a low risk, high reward way to make your sex life more interesting!

Tip and Tricks for edging

Try it solo first

If you’ve never played with edging before, try it on your own first. That way, you’ll get an idea of whether or not you’d like it, then you can try it out with a partner and decide whether you like to be the giver who is in control, the receiver who relinquishes control, or both!

Control your breathing

Try to slow down your breathing to help you or your partner stay calm and in control. It’s also a great way to focus on the sensations in your body instead of rushing into an orgasm.

Communication, communication, communication

Communication is also key with anything sex-related, but with edging, you have to be aware of your partner's body language and listen to their words so you know when they are getting close and you need to pull back before starting again.

You should also talk to your partner beforehand about how they like to be edged, what techniques ramp them up the most (like fingering, oral, or penetrative sex), and what intensity is good for them.

Play with tempo and timing

Switch back and forth between fast and slow movements and play with different pressure, sex positions, and techniques to make the edging experience more dynamic.

You can also tease your partner with different timings. Try doing five second of fast sensation, slow down for five seconds, a then each round add five seconds to each interval until you get up to a minute before you let them finish. And if you’re into a sub/dom relationship or are into power play, the dominant partner can count out loud to dial up the heat.

Don’t forget the lube!

Lube should always be in your bedside table drawer, but when you’re planning on extending the amount of time you are having sex, make sure you use lots of lube to keep it feeling good all night long.

Sex toys are your friends

There are so many you can incorporate into edging, the options are limitless! You can try teasing your partner with a blindfold, feathers, or a whip. Or add in vibrators, sex machine, strap on, butt plugs, cock ring, or prostate massager, or anything else that will ramp things up for you or your partner.

Mix it up

Try switching things up between using your hands, oral stimulation, powerful toys, warm and cold sensations, and internal and external stimulation. You don’t need to go from zero to 60; instead, try alternating between two different sensations and cycling through different rhythms. For instance, try changing between rubbing their clit and using gentle tapping to tease your partner.

Try the hands-off reset

If you’ve already mastered the basics, try this more advanced technique: when you feel like you or your partner are about to climax, don’t slow down, just stop using your hands and sex toys completely. Spend some time breathing and let the pleasure settle in your body before you go right back to the same intensity you were using before.

Gooning

If you enjoy edging, consider trying gooning too which is an extreme form of edging where you masturbate for hours while watching porn, but never let yourself have an orgasm.

Edging for LGBTQ+ people

Edging is versatile, and can be adapted to work with all different kinds of bodies and can be a great way to affirm gender identity. “For those experiencing gender dysphoria, edging can center sensation elsewhere in the body than just the genitals,” Gustafsson explains. “Using toys and tools like strap-ons, prosthetics, or powerful vibrators that send sensation through layers of material can all be a part of edging, too.”

Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, has suggestions for all genders and sexualities. For queer men, she recommends combining deign with stimulation of the anus or penis through penetrative sex or using a toy like a vibrating butt plug. Or go the advanced route and focus on edging the prostate alone for an extra strong orgasm.

For sapphics, use your hands, vibrator, or tongue to stimulate the clitoris by starting off with calm, light touches, before increasing the stimulation and then starting over again. She also said if you or your partner’s clit gets overstimulated switch to focusing on the G-spot, and unlike people with penises, you can keep going until you, your partner, or both achieve multiple orgasms.

According to Roos, trans folks can use edging to “explore their body sexually in new ways that feel more natural than other types of sex” and can also use it to explore new sexual dynamics. For nonbinary people, she says that edging can provide the kind of control that allows for experimentation.

“Nonbinary folks can use edging to feel as if they’re more in control of how they get pleasure, and that they can discover their body [on] their own terms and take control over their orgasm,” Roos says.

Edging, truly is for everyone!

Experts cited:

Birna Gustafsson, an LGBTQ+ sex educator and public health advocate.

Tim Lagman, a sex expert and board certified sex educator with the lube company pjur.

Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist and relationship therapist & author at Passionerad.